There goes the famous good time that was had by all.
– Bette Davis
Something to think about before your next flight.
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken,
and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: The problem logged by the pilot. S: The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Pancake Recipes
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. Picking it up, he pulls out the cork. Sure enough, out pops a huge blue genie.
The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In return, I will grant you three wishes.”
The man says, “Perfect. I always dreamed of this, and I know exactly what I want. First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account.” Suddenly, there is a flash of light, and a detailed list with Swiss Bank account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues. “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.”
There is another flash of light, and a bright red Ferrari appears right next to him.
He goes on. “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.”
A final blaze of light, and he turns into a box of chocolates. Tiny Voices In My Head