Funny Jokes

Drinking

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you’re drunk than to think you’re stupid. Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto:

10. You get really good at singing E flat 9. You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures 8. You don’t really need to warm up to sing 12 consecutive measures of E flat 7. If the choir really sucks, it’s unlikely the altos will be blamed 6. You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos 5. You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women who sing soprano just do so because they can’t read music 4. You can sometimes find part-time work singing tenor 3. Altos get all the good intervals 2. When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of a piece, the altos ALWAYS get the last word 1. When altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt Funny Quotes – Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P.. Jones Crocpkpot Recipes

Funny Jokes

Jewish woman

The children and grandchildren of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise.

Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser. He looked at it and said, “Oh, I see you have U.D.” She replied, “U.D.? Voos is U.D.? He said, “U.D. is Upper Deck.”

She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there and he said, I see, that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C.” Grandma replied, “O.C.? Voos is O.C.?”

The purser said, “O.C. is Outside Cabin.” Grandma, needless to say, was delighted. She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy and he said,”Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B.”

“B.I.B.? Voos is B.I.B.?” asked grandma. The cabin boy answered, “B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed.”

“Oh” she said; Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful.”

Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her breakfast in bed and she said, “F.U.C.K”

Shocked, they said, “F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?”, to which she replied, “Yes, F.U.C.K. Foist U Could Knock

Funny Quotes