Aging Jokes – Old Man

Posted on June 2, 2008 by quotes

Old Man – Aging Jokes

“I’ve sure gotten old,” said Maury the Snitch. “I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees.

I fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia, such poor circulation that I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Sheesh, I can’t even remember if I’m 26, or 62, or 86!
Plus, I’ve lost all my friends….

But thank God, I still have my driver’s license!”

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36 Responses

  1. Aly, on June 2nd, 2008 at 7:44 am Said:

    This is a horrible joke!

  2. dhconcerts, on June 2nd, 2008 at 2:33 pm Said:

    My dad and I laughed at this one.

  3. irv roth, on June 2nd, 2008 at 2:44 pm Said:

    I don’t find this post funny at all. You’re really a sad case, if you consider what you wrote as being funny. It.s more like being sad. IRV

  4. grandmasheri, on June 3rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm Said:

    I think I met this guy in a parking lot once…He bashed into the side of our car as he pulled out into our traffic lane. When the office asked him if he looked to the right before pulling out he said, “Why would I look to the right? I”m blind in that eye?” True…scary, but true. Thanks for the laugh.

  5. grandmasheri, on June 3rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm Said:

    Sorry for the misspelling…should be officer…bet you figured that out, eh? Must be my anal retentiveness rearing its ugly head…Gawd, sounds a little weird.

  6. pohlse, on June 3rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm Said:

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!”

    “Heck,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

  7. cecee, on June 3rd, 2008 at 3:50 pm Said:

    this is nnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooottttttttt funny!! losers

  8. justina hill, on June 4th, 2008 at 12:41 pm Said:

    that joke was so dumb

  9. kruis, on June 5th, 2008 at 6:27 am Said:

    ha ha ha ha ha…no!
    this isnt funny this is the most stupidest joke every
    what are u 5
    mah nephew can make better
    jokes than that
    and hes only 2..
    damn
    you suck at jokes you should jump off a building
    or something.

  10. JANE WAINWRIGHT, on June 5th, 2008 at 8:11 am Said:

    PASS ONTO ME DAYLY IF POSS ALL JOKES

  11. Gooshawn, on June 7th, 2008 at 9:25 pm Said:

    dude, ppl, lighten up, its a joke.
    i swear, some of u ppl have seriosly got 2 go get laid.

  12. Carie, on June 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm Said:

    U people need to lighten up. it was funny. the only problem is u r a fuckin idiot

  13. Brittany, on June 9th, 2008 at 7:51 am Said:

    I totally agree with GooShawn it’s funny…. As for everyone who didnt think thata it was funny you have one of two options, either A. Post another joke. Or B. Keep your oppinions to yourself. Seriously it is funny.

  14. Emily, on June 9th, 2008 at 7:25 pm Said:

    i agree with Aly that joke was horrible

  15. joe, on June 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am Said:

    completely retarded joke

  16. elm, on June 11th, 2008 at 11:45 am Said:

    i like wen you are a funny friends because you make me lala because u are fun to luck . when you look in the tolei the tolit skwts water on you!

  17. ben say micke, on June 11th, 2008 at 11:50 am Said:

    what a funny boy you are ben you make pepole la la

  18. Tracy, on June 12th, 2008 at 9:13 am Said:

    SO FUNNY! because it is soooooo true!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!

  19. Angela, on June 13th, 2008 at 6:35 am Said:

    That was a good joke, it sure made me laugh; I was feeling really bad and I had a lot on my mind, but he’s worse off than me.

  20. Paul, on June 14th, 2008 at 9:07 am Said:

    I liked the joke, you don’t always have to be politically correct and worry about everything you say.

  21. tishak, on June 17th, 2008 at 1:33 am Said:

    yeah seriously – it was a cute joke! The rest of you DO need to get laid.

    SNITCHES.

  22. dhconcerts, on June 19th, 2008 at 7:42 am Said:

    Jokes by any group about any other group can easily be hurtful if there is disrespect involved. However, in this case, my dad is in the age group the joke was written about. Medical problems and driver’s licenses are very real issues for older old adults. When I read this joke to him, he laughed when we got to the punch line.

  23. Ellen, on June 27th, 2008 at 11:44 am Said:

    Funny AND true. I see it all trhe time in AZ near Sun City.

  24. toni, on June 28th, 2008 at 4:08 pm Said:

    Stupid but hey if he can say all this about himself then he is still kicking..

  25. Abortion Quotes « Funny Quotes and Funny Sayings, on June 29th, 2008 at 11:34 am Said:

    [...] Aging Jokes Old ManFunny Quotes Insults 80 [...]

  28. War Quotes « Quotes Central, on June 29th, 2008 at 5:38 pm Said:

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  29. Funny Jokes | Funny Jokes, on June 29th, 2008 at 7:18 pm Said:

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  30. negatve, on June 30th, 2008 at 10:27 pm Said:

    the joke was?was?as?was?was MEANIGLEss!!

  31. sarah, on July 7th, 2008 at 10:54 am Said:

    this was so not funny!!!

  32. bull, on July 10th, 2008 at 3:23 pm Said:

    this decribes my grandpa to a tee, he should not have a drivers licence

  33. Precious, on July 22nd, 2008 at 6:55 am Said:

    If you don’t have anything nice to sayd don’t say anything at all! :P

  34. pixelcreationz, on May 21st, 2009 at 3:14 pm Said:

    I don’t hate it-I just don’t get it.

  35. quotes, on May 23rd, 2009 at 12:14 pm Said:

    Can’t see, can’t hear, can’t remember, but he can still drive.

  36. jones, on June 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm Said:

    If someone doesn’t laugh with aging and death, what is he/she going to laugh about? The good – n easy things? Or maybe they think aging is not for them! That’s a good one!

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