Funny Stories – Cat Humor

Funny Stories

Cat Humor

Kathee Austin

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”

“No,” she cries, “It’s too far.”

“I play football, I can catch him.”

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch.

The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

Disclaimer:

I am a cool cat lover and admire the beauty of cats.  I would love to have a cat as a pet in my home.  I am, however, very allergic to cats!

My grand daughter Emily told her other grandma that I “love cats, but just don’t like the kind of cats that breathe.”  Kids say the darndest things!  I love live cats and am missing out in life by never having a cat to cuddle.

To compensate for my own loss of real live cats in my life, I have a huge cat collection; well over 400 at the time of this update.  I have small cats, large cats, tall cats, fat cats, cuddly cats, ceramic cats, cat figurines, stuffed cats, toy cats, cat pillows, cat blankets, cat pics, cat pictures, cat towels, cat candles, cat plates, cat cups.  I have curio cabinets dedicated to cats.

If any cat lover is offended by this joke, oh well. I can’t please all cat lovers all the time. I share this cat joke simply because I think this cat joke is unexpectedly funny and I do not consider it degrading to cats at all.  Afterall, I love cats.

Quotes About Cats

Funny Joke

SWISS ARMY KNIFE — male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS — female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

PENLIGHT — male, because it can be turned on very easily, but isn’t very
bright.

TIRE — male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light
a fire under it…and, of course, there’s the hot air part.

SPONGES — female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE — female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE — male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.

COPIER — female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are
pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS — male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.

SUBWAY — male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS — female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER — male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it’s handy to have around and is good for killing bugs.
Phoenix AZ