Halloween Definitions

Halloween Definitions

Coffin:
What you do when you get a piece of
popcorn stuck in your throat.

Frankenstein:
Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full moon:
What your repairman reveals when
he bends over to fix your fridge.

Goblin:
How you eat the snickers bars
you got for Halloween.

Boogieman:
Guy who passes time at a
stoplight picking his nose.

Invisible Man:
What a guy becomes when there’s housework
to be done. Also, see Mr. Hyde.

Jack O’ Lantern:
An Irish Pumpkin.

Jack the Ripper:
What Jack does to his lottery tickets
after losing each week.

Mummy:
Who kisses the boo-boo after
you scrape your knee.

Pumpkin Patch:
What a pumpkin wears when
trying to quit smoking.

Skeleton:
Any supermodel.

Vampire Bat:
What Dracula hits a baseball with.

Zombie:
What you look like before that
first cup of morning coffee.

Halloween Jokes

This just in from Thelly the Story Lady in Cardiff by the Sea – She just had knee replacement surgery.

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from
knocking on the door.

9.  You have to have another kid
chew the candy for you.


8.  You ask for high
fiber candy only.



7.  When someone drops a candy
 in your bag, you lose your Balance and fall over.



6.  People say: “Great
Boris Karloff Mask,”
   
And you’re not wearing a mask.




5.  When the door opens you yell,
“Trick or .”And can’t remember the rest.





4.  By the end of the night, you
have a bag full of restraining orders.


3.  You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.


2.  You’re the only Power Ranger
in the neighborhood with a walker.


And the number one reason
Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating…
*

*

*

1.  You keep having
to go home to pee.


No matter, have a ‘HAPPY
HALLOWEEN” anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guess I’m the only Trick or Treater in the neighborhood with a walker…but it’s getting me from here to there until my new knee gets better…whenever that is!

 

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
My Blog: http://storyladyincardiffbythesea.blogspot.com/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/life-story-writing/   
For Thelly Thoughts go to:  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThellyThoughts
Share at Thelly’s Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/

Halloween Jokes

Funny Jokes – for Halloween

Trick or Treating by your sign…

# Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first.

# Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.

# Gemini goes around the neighborhood once, changes costumes and goes around again.

# Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters.

# Leo plans their costume for months, then won’t go out because someone else had the same idea.

# Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they’re a bookkeeper.

# Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume.

# Scorpio isn’t in it for the candy.

# Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town.

# Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take.

# Aquarius builds their costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts.

# Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

Halloween Jokes – Halloween Limericks

Halloween Jokes – Halloween Limericks 

 A really old vampire named “Tex”
Is “out for blood” and I suspect
He’s not a nice guy
If he catches your eye
It’s you who will likely be necks

Now Gail is a heckuva Ghostess
I say this but then I can boastess
She’ll come up and coo,
Well, how do you ‘boo’
She is the Ghostess with the Mostess

The mummy was looking quite dapper
“Got rich from my music, Old Chapper
‘Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world’s greatest wrapper!”

From the pyramid when one exhumes
A mummy, he’s mute we presumes
But you’ll know when one’s coming
By listening for humming
He doesn’t know words, just the tombs

The invisible man takes great pleasure
When ever someone comes and says “Your
Invisible, Eh?”
Then just go away.”
He thrives on such rude disappear pressure

Lon Chaney once met Mister Hyde
Who had the poor fellow tongue tide
When Hyde asked “Is that hair
That you wear, wash & wear
Or do you wear wolf just inside?”
The Wolfman eventually replied
I wash my hide, Hyde, just in Tide
I’m a wash & wear wolf
Though I say so my sulf
My hide is a great source of pride.

And what of your trousers, perchance are
They off somewhere hiding? Please answer
For coming up soon
We will see a full moon
If you can’t explain now where your pants are.

To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin’ will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises

The vamp gives the chickens a fright
When they see him they always take flight
But there’s one that he catches
Whose jewelry he snatches
And he flies with his capon all night
One of those dead old
pha-raohs
Once asked his dad why ’twas he was
“Now I’m just a dummy
So go ask your mummy
But she will just tell you, ‘Be gauze'”

The famous Egyptian King Tut
Had a fabulous musical butt
“But some people thinks
My music, it sphynx
I blow toots uncommon, so what?”

When the full moon is giving its glow
The hair on this fellow will grow!
But you never will creep
Upon him in his sleep,
That’s why he’s aware-wolf, you know!

Without fangs you’ll hear vampires complain
“Hey this sucks!” but I’d like to explain
If they can’t make you bleed
They will never succeed
And their biting will all be in vein

Dracula must suck blood to live.
Fortunately, virgins have much to give!
He cuts through the tripe,
Asks if they match his type,
And they respond with, “O Positive!”

Count Dracula, lanky and slight,
And eschewing a heartier bite,
Was growing bulimic
On victims anemic.
He insisted on making it Blood Lite.

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