Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re always a little short.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
Regular rocks are too heavy
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A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt – though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: ‘That’s incredible – both our cars are demolished but we’re fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!’
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, ‘Oh yes, I agree with you completely!’
The woman goes on, ‘And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let’s drink to our love!’
‘Well, OK!’ says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
‘Your turn,’ says the man.
‘No, thanks,’ says the woman, ‘I think I’ll just wait for the police.’
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot – with just two little slits for his eyes. ‘What happened to you?’ asked Cassidy. ‘I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.’ ‘Begod,’ said Cassidy. ‘It’s a good job you were wearing those bandages or you’d have been cut to ribbons!’