I Love Her But…(a collection of men’s thoughts on their women)

… every so often, boom! she’s a brunette. Or I come home to a

redhead. Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is.

–Cary, Seattle

… she’ll brush her teeth but she won’t go to the dentist. She

says she’s not afraid of the pain, she just doesn’t want to put

herself in the hands of any fellow who’d choose to be a dentist.

–Terence, Gary, Ind.

… she’s stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will

know she’s a natural blonde.

–Ned, Tucson, Ariz.

… she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.

-Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.

… it annoys her that our children look like me.

–James, New Orleans

… counting my wife and our teenage girls, that’s four women.

Somebody’s always got PMS.

–Everett, Little Rock, Ark.

… with five kids, I don’t have time to complain about my wife.

I don’t have time to notice her.

–Bob, Charleston, W.Va.

The Painter

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in

making a buck where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it

go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually a

local Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one their

building. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he

got the job.

And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and

setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say,

thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done,

when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened the

rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and

knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the

gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless

paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he

got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: “Repaint! Repaint and thin no

more!”

Classes for Men

CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS.
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY JANUARY 25, 2008. NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays — Step by Step, with
Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll — Does It Change
Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of
Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? —
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper
and The Floor —
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes — Can They Levitate and Fly
Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity — Losing The Remote To Your
Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support
Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00
PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things — Starting With
Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down
While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch — Bringing Her Flowers Is Not
Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00
PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost — Real
Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be
determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly
While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between
Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and
role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be
determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing
Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays,
Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full
Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00
PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven — What It Is and How It Is
Used
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, locations to be
determine.

Upon completion of any of the above
courses, Diplomas will be issued to the
survivors.