Halloween Jokes – Halloween Limericks

Halloween Jokes – Halloween Limericks 

 A really old vampire named “Tex”
Is “out for blood” and I suspect
He’s not a nice guy
If he catches your eye
It’s you who will likely be necks

Now Gail is a heckuva Ghostess
I say this but then I can boastess
She’ll come up and coo,
Well, how do you ‘boo’
She is the Ghostess with the Mostess

The mummy was looking quite dapper
“Got rich from my music, Old Chapper
‘Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world’s greatest wrapper!”

From the pyramid when one exhumes
A mummy, he’s mute we presumes
But you’ll know when one’s coming
By listening for humming
He doesn’t know words, just the tombs

The invisible man takes great pleasure
When ever someone comes and says “Your
Invisible, Eh?”
Then just go away.”
He thrives on such rude disappear pressure

Lon Chaney once met Mister Hyde
Who had the poor fellow tongue tide
When Hyde asked “Is that hair
That you wear, wash & wear
Or do you wear wolf just inside?”
The Wolfman eventually replied
I wash my hide, Hyde, just in Tide
I’m a wash & wear wolf
Though I say so my sulf
My hide is a great source of pride.

And what of your trousers, perchance are
They off somewhere hiding? Please answer
For coming up soon
We will see a full moon
If you can’t explain now where your pants are.

To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin’ will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises

The vamp gives the chickens a fright
When they see him they always take flight
But there’s one that he catches
Whose jewelry he snatches
And he flies with his capon all night
One of those dead old
Once asked his dad why ’twas he was
“Now I’m just a dummy
So go ask your mummy
But she will just tell you, ‘Be gauze'”

The famous Egyptian King Tut
Had a fabulous musical butt
“But some people thinks
My music, it sphynx
I blow toots uncommon, so what?”

When the full moon is giving its glow
The hair on this fellow will grow!
But you never will creep
Upon him in his sleep,
That’s why he’s aware-wolf, you know!

Without fangs you’ll hear vampires complain
“Hey this sucks!” but I’d like to explain
If they can’t make you bleed
They will never succeed
And their biting will all be in vein

Dracula must suck blood to live.
Fortunately, virgins have much to give!
He cuts through the tripe,
Asks if they match his type,
And they respond with, “O Positive!”

Count Dracula, lanky and slight,
And eschewing a heartier bite,
Was growing bulimic
On victims anemic.
He insisted on making it Blood Lite.


2 Responses

  1. Always think I will remember a limerick once I hear it, but turns out I only remember two. Here is one.

    The bustard’s a wonderful foul
    with minimal reason to growl.
    He is spared what would be
    by the grace of a fortunate vowel.

  2. Your jokes are not funny

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