Funny Jokes – Airline Humor

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanic s about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an “S”) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

+++
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

+++
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

+++
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

+++
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

+++
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

+++
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

+++
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

+++
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

+++
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

+++
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

+++
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

+++
P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

+++
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

+++
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

+++
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

20 Responses

  1. LMAO, the technician who wrote the solutions is my idol😄

  2. ROFLMAO!!!! Love this man! Gonna send it around to my buds.

  3. I need a maintainence crew like this one! LOVE THERE SENSE OF HUMOR!

  4. omg that’s awesome. I needed a good laugh. thank you!

  5. GREAT real life FUNNY written solutions to obvious problems – I need to think this way at my library!!

  6. haha sounds like my friends if they were to work there😛 haha i wish these people were realted

  7. Funny! I had a great laugh reading this.

  8. This is great!

  9. Occasionally I find something moderately funny on this site. These are hilarious!

  10. Very Funny. but i’d read this before on Readers Digest

  11. its a gud1. :>

  12. Great that these are funny after so many years … and great that they are still in circulation.

    When I first came across this list it was the RAF ground crew who apparently wrote these … its a very very very old list.

  13. OMG we need more of this humor in all of our businesses….we all can use a laugh now and then!!!

  14. I’m not sure you didn’t make these up (or copy them from Reader’s Digest or elsewhere). “Tire” is spelled “tyre” in Australia.

  15. AWESOME!!!

  16. OK I think these were the Pilots and mechanics I worked with in the Air Force. The pilots always complained something was broken on the F-15’s. POL Rules.

    Thanks For The Laugh

  17. Cat installed… Hilarious!

  18. Haha…this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. My dad is a retired Indian Air Force fighter pilot. He will surely enjoy reading this!

  19. lolroflmfao, i luv it!

  20. 🙂🙂🙂

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