Words That Don’t Exist

Words That Don’t Exist

…But Should

Words That Don’t Exist

Ramdumbtious – Cross between being rowdy and not too bright.

Randumb – A foot chase gone bad.

Rawsome – The awesome health benefits of eating raw foods.

Rawtarian – A person that eats only raw foods.

Realicious – Really delicious.

Recomember – Recall, retain in the mind.

Refunable – Something you enjoyed so much you’d do it again.

Re-mail – An e-mail that has probably already made the rounds

once, but you think it is worth a second look.

Rememberize – Remembering and memorizing.

Repettyettyettyettyettyettitive – When you repeat something so

much that you can’t stop.

Richpublican – A Republican candidate for office.

Roomatism – Desk clerk malady.

Rowdeo – A canoe paddling competition.

Rundezvous – Running late for a meeting.

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Banking Crisis – Name of your Bank

Banking Crisis

Name of your Bank

Former Bank Name

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something “practical” for her birthday.

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?” Mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

“It’s your account, darling,” Mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.”

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for “Name of your former bank.”

After a slight hesitation, she put down “Piggy.”
In light of what’s going on in the banking world, perhaps Piggy Bank was the safest!

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA:  Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:  We Three Kings Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA:  I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas

NARCISSISTIC:  Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC:  Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and .  .  .

PARANOID:  Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

PERSONALITY DISORDER:  You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna
Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why

DEPRESSION:  Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is
Lonely

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:  Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, ……..  (better start
again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:  On The First Day of Christmas My True Love
Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:  Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

Christmas Carols

An old farmer’s advice

An old farmer’s advice

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
* Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker, you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

Thanksgiving Jokes – Thanksgiving Divorce

Thanksgiving Divorce – Thanksgiving Joke

Joke of the Day

A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,” > She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

Thanksgiving Quotes

Sunday School Teacher – Ten Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honour”
thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a
beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not
kill.”

Holy Humor – Brotherly Love

Holy Humor – Brotherly Love

Dad dished up some ice cream for his sons, seven years old and five years old. but he was upset to see them fighting over who should get the first bowl.
So Dad decided to teach a lesson. ” If Jesus were here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first bowl. I can wait.”

The seven-year-old then took the high road, saying to his brother, “I’ll let you be Jesus!”