A DOG’S RULES FOR CHRISTMAS

- Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by
opening all their presents.
- Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and
tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food.
- I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new
Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when
the wind chill is -10 F.
- I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights
out into the backyard through the doggy door.
- I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes
(which I would eat -- paper and all, then puke on the presents).
- I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of
the stocking!
- I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree or
piddling on the dining room rug.
- I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my
human have to call the vet's at Christmas.
- I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the
tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window.
- I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her
tree as soon as we enter her house.
- I will not pee on the Christmas tree.
- I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs.
- The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not
drink from it. It will make me sick.

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