A DOG’S RULES FOR CHRISTMAS

- Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by
opening all their presents.
- Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and
tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food.
- I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new
Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when
the wind chill is -10 F.
- I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights
out into the backyard through the doggy door.
- I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes
(which I would eat -- paper and all, then puke on the presents).
- I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of
the stocking!
- I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree or
piddling on the dining room rug.
- I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my
human have to call the vet's at Christmas.
- I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the
tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window.
- I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her
tree as soon as we enter her house.
- I will not pee on the Christmas tree.
- I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs.
- The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not
drink from it. It will make me sick.

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4 Responses

  1. SPOKEN BY A TRUE DOG OWNER,A DISCIPLE OF MAYHEM,WE HAVE TWO PIT BULLS,AND THEY WILL BE ACTING OUT ALL OF THE ABOVE,”BELIEVE ME WHEN WE SAY IT AINT RAISING POODLES”.MERRY XMAS TO EVERYONE,PLUS HAPPY HOLIDAYS IT WAS TRULY FUNNY!

  2. here me

  3. […] A Dog’s Rules for Christmas – Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents. – Christmas light bulbs, […] […]

  4. wow

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