It’s the week after Christmas,
I’m crabby and I’m broke.
I’m so full of ham and fruitcake
I think I’m gonna croak!
It’s nice to see the relatives –
I wonder when they’ll leave.
They’ve been camping in my bathroom
Since early Christmas Eve.
They’re eating everything in sight
And sleeping in my bed.
I’m sacked out in the basement
With a blanket o’er my head.
Now the relatives have all gone out
And left their screaming brats,
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
And I can’t find the cat.
It’s Christmastime at my house,
The family is all here.
They eat me out of house and home,
And drink up all my beer.
My mother-in-law is snoring
In my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her
And tinseling her hair.
I oughta wake her up
Before the fireworks begin,
But I wanna see the sparks fly
When they plug her in.
Now the kids are in a free-for-all,
The girls against the boys,
They’re fighting over boxes
‘Cause they’re bored with all their toys.
I love the Christmas spirit
And the sleigh bells in the snow
But I wish those pesky relatives
Would take their kids and go!