TOP 17 SIGNS YOURS PSYCHIC IS A PHONEY
17. Keeps shaking black “crystal ball,” then saying, “Ask again later.”
16. Tells you you’re going to die but doesn’t exactly know when or how.
15. Every time you draw the Death card, she yells “Go Fish!”
14. Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.
13. Brunswick insignia on “crystal ball.”
12. His idea of an “out of body experience” involves whipped cream and women’s clothing.
11. During séance, shouts in voice of Wolfman Jack, “Milli Vanilli will be back!”
10. His spoon bending requires two pliers.
9. Sign in window: “As Seen on ’60 Minutes.”
8. During card-reading, asks if you want to “hit” or “stand.”
7. Insists that your astrological sign is “The Armadillo.”
6. Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your mom.
5. Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.
4. Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.
3. Easily fooled by ‘Can of Snakes’ gag.
2. “Ethereal Aroma of the Kindred Spirits” effect during séance only occurs after a chili-dog lunch.
1. Just keeps saying in his Mr. T voice, “My prediction: Pain!”
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