Library Book

Funny Jokes – Horrible Book – Library Book

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!”

“Yes, Ma’am?” said the librarian looking up at her.

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!” said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.”


Five surgeons – Funny Jokes

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their tails are interchangeable.”

The fifth surgeon says “I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”

Mechanical Problem – Quick Fix

Funny Jokes – Quick Fix for Mechanical Problem

An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clanking noise when going around corners.

He took the car out for a test drive and made a right turn, then a left turn, each time hearing a loud clunk.

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note:

“Removed bowling ball from trunk.”

Funny Jokes – Skeletons

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body

Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone appetit !

Funny Jokes – Skeletons

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What type of art do skeletons like?
A: Skull tures

Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can’t fool me, I can see right through you.

Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A: I’m bone to be wild!

Q: What do you give a skeleton for valentine’s day?
A: Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones.

Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A: Napoleon bone-apart

Q: What instrument do skeletons play?
A: Trom-BONE.

Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!!!

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A: Because he didn’t have the stomach for it!

Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q: Why are skeletons usually so calm ?
A: Nothing gets under their skin !

Q: Why do skeletons hate winter?
A: Beacuse the cold goes right through them !

Q: Why are graveyards so noisy ?
A: Because of all the coffin !

Q: What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks?
A: They had a rattling good time !

Q: Why did the skeleton go to hospital ?
A: To have his ghoul stones removed !

Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
A: He could feel it in his bones !

Q: How do skeletons call their friends ?
A: On the telebone !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?
A: Lazy bones !

Q: What do boney people use to get into their homes?
A: Skeleton keys !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who acts in Westerns?
A: Skint Eastwood !

Q: What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew !

Q: What do you call a skeleton snake ?
A: A rattler !



Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.


Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories–those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don’t worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day’s drive away and a diploma from a third world country.


Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.


Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment.


Q What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.


Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.


Q. What if I’m away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn’t do that.


Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all your risking is the $20 co-payment, there’s no harm in giving it a shot.


Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.