Cat Jokes – Theories Of Cat Behavior

Clean Jokes

Cat behavior – Theories Of Cat Behavior

LAW OF CAT INERTIA A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

LAW OF CAT MOTION A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

FIRST LAW OF CAT ENERGY CONSERVATION Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

LAW OF BAG/BOX OCCUPANCY All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

LAW OF FURNITURE REPLACEMENT A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

LAW OF CAT COMPOSITION A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

LAW OF CAT OBEDIENCE As yet undiscovered.

Cat Quotes

Hospital Humor – Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

It’ll Be Okay

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”

The head nurse said, “She was just trying to comfort you.  What’s so frightening about that?”

The patient said, “She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to my surgeon!”

New Stock Market Terms

Funny Jokes

New Stock Market Terms

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just down-graded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.