Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts
to Oxfam. They will wash and iron them and you can buy
them back for fifty pence.
Suck the eyes from attacking zombies using a Black &
Decker “Dustbuster.” The zombies will then wander aim-
lessly and can be dispatched by the more usual methods
at a more leisurely pace.
Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and
dipping your chin into a bowl of iron filings.
X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by
aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You’ll invar-
iably wake up in a strange place the following morning,
having had your memory mysteriously “erased.”
A hedgehog trained to scuttle up and down the table from
guest to guest makes an unusual mobile cheese and pineapple
cube nibble dispenser at cocktail parties.
Domestos is an ideal substitute for Blue Curaco, and far
less pricey. It gives any cocktail a bit of “oomph.”
Whilst in bed protect yourself from vampires and werewolves
by hiding under the covers.