Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day and Optimism

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
– Irv Kupcinet

Another Thanksgiving Day Joke

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

Jokes Funny Jokes

Valentine’s Day Jokes – Valentines Day Jokes

Lots of people are visiting here and searching for those really silly Valentine’s Day Jokes for kids.

Here are two places you can find them – so you don’t have to search.  You can just click the Valentines Day Jokes links below.

Valentines Day Jokes

Valentines Day Jokes – Valentine’s Day Jokes Valentines Day Jokes. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Hogs and Kisses!

Valentines Day Jokes

Valentines Day Jokes. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Hogs and Kisses! Love Quotes. Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing

Since the day is here, here are some other Valentine’s Day Resources from all over.

Valentine’s Day Recipes

Valentine Recipes

Valentine’s Heart’s Desire Pizza

Valentine’s Cupid’s Kabobs

Valentine Heart Cupcakes

Valentine Jokes

Valentine Jokes

Valentine Jokes

Valentine’s Day Jokes

Valentines Jokes

Valentine Quotes

Valentine’s Day Quotes

Valentine’s Day Sayings

Valentine Quotes

Valentine Quotes

Valentines Day Quotes

Valentine’s Day

Funny Jokes – Funny Joke – LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS

Funny Jokes – LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with
you.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

Christmas Gifts

What To Say About That “Special” Christmas Gift

Hey! There’s a gift!

Well, well, well …

Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.

This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

Gosh! I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though.
There are lots of unexplained fires.

If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

To think…I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to
charity.

I really don’t deserve this.

It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this
from me.

Christmas Jokes 

Sayings

New Lexus 450

I bought a new Lexus 450 and returned to the dealer the next day because I
couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio
was voice activated.
 
“Nelson,” the salesman said to the radio.
 
The Radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”
 
“Willie!” he continued and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.
 
Then he said, “Ray Charles!”, and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind”
replaced Willie Nelson.
 
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say,
“Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
“Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs.
 
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved in time to avoid them.   I yelled, “Ass Holes!”
 
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda
and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with
John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy
Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax
and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

She’ll find a horse!

She’ll find a horse!

Joe was trying to lead a horse in the street, but was having much trouble
getting the horse’s cooperation.  A passerby stopped and asked if he could
help. Joe was grateful and gladly accepted.

After much pushing and shoving, they finally got the horse to the front door
of Joe’s apartment house. Joe indicated that the horse was to go through the
door. More pushing and shoving.

Once inside, Joe and the passerby managed to work the horse up the steps and
into Joe’s apartment on the third floor, then through the living room and
into the bathtub.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, the good samaritan said, “I don’t want to be
nosy, but this is most unusual…”

Joe said, “When my wife comes home, she’ll look in the bathroom and say,
‘There’s a horse in there!’ ”

“Hey, how many times in a man’s life will he ever get the chance to tell
his wife, ‘I know! I know!’?”

Baby Names

Baby Names

A man goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.

The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies, “Euro.”

The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it’s a currency.

The man says: “What? There weren’t any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank.”