Free Kittens – Funny Jokes

Little Mary Pat had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign ‘FREE KITTENS’ next to them.

Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front.

The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car. It’s Senator Obama.

‘Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?’ he asked.

‘Kittens’ Little Mary Pat says. ‘They’re so small, their eyes are not even open yet.’

‘What kind of kittens are they?’ he asked.

‘Democrats’ says Little Mary Pat.

The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away. Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Little Mary Pat is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the ‘FREE KITTENS’ sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS, BET and CNN but no FOX for some reason..

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Mary Pat.

‘Now, don’t be frightened,’ he said, ‘I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you’re giving away today.’

‘Yes sir,’ Mary Pat said, ‘They are all REPUBLICAN kittens.’

Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, ‘But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS.’

Little Mary Pat says, ‘Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.’

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Funny Jokes – Dear Governor Spitzer

Dear Governor Spitzer,

You should have just hired an intern.

Yours truly,

William J. Clinton

Political Jokes – Country Preacher

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.

He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:

a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky
and a Playboy magazine

‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself, ‘when he comes home from school this afternoon,I’ll see which object he picks up.

If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard,and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.’

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.

He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.

He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s Centerfold.

‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered, ‘He’s gonna run for Congress!’

New Lexus 450

I bought a new Lexus 450 and returned to the dealer the next day because I
couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio
was voice activated.
 
“Nelson,” the salesman said to the radio.
 
The Radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”
 
“Willie!” he continued and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.
 
Then he said, “Ray Charles!”, and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind”
replaced Willie Nelson.
 
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say,
“Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
“Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs.
 
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved in time to avoid them.   I yelled, “Ass Holes!”
 
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda
and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with
John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy
Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax
and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

Funny Jokes – Gasoline Jokes

 Funny Jokes – Gasoline Jokes

My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for our anniversary, so I took her down the street to the Sunoco station.

I have my car towed to work because it’s cheaper than buying gas.

All in favor of conserving gasoline, please raise your right foot.

I saw a guy on the street corner, holding up a hat and a sign that said, “Wife and 2 Cars to Feed.”

For our vacation this summer, we’re thinking it will be cheaper to just mail the car.

Funny Quotes

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five. Now you understand the difference between Republicans & Democrats.

Tax Cuts – As Explained By A Democrat

Tax Cuts – As Explained By A Democrat
If you don’t understand the Democrats’ version of tax cuts (and you are not alone), maybe this will help explain it:

50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out.  A refund was then due

The team was about to mail refunds when the Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out refund amounts based on the Democrat  National Committee’s interpretation of fairness.

After all, if the refunds were made based on the price each person paid for the tickets, most of the money would go to the ticket holders of the most expensive tickets. That would be unfair and unconscionable.

People in the $10 seats will get back $15, because they have less money to spend. Call it an “Earned Income Ticket Credit.” Persons “earn” it by demonstrating little ambition, few skills and poor work habits, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.

People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because that’s only fair.

People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don’t need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, then they must not be paying enough taxes.

People in the $75 luxury seats will have to pay another $50, because they have way too much to spend.

The people driving (or walking) by the stadium who couldn’t afford to watch the game will get $10 each, even though they didn’t pay anything in, because they need the most help (sometimes known as Affirmative Action!).

Now do you understand?

If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance.