Funny Stories – Cat Humor

Funny Stories

Cat Humor

Kathee Austin

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”

“No,” she cries, “It’s too far.”

“I play football, I can catch him.”

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch.

The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

Disclaimer:

animated catI am a cool cat lover and admire the beauty of cats.  I would love to have a cat as a pet in my home.  I am, however, very allergic to cats!

My grand daughter Emily told her other grandma that I “love cats, but just don’t like the kind of cats that breathe.”  Kids say the darndest things!  I love live cats and am missing out in life by never having a cat to cuddle.

To compensate for my own loss of real live cats in my life, I have a huge cat collection; well over 400 at the time of this update.  I have small cats, large cats, tall cats, fat cats, cuddly cats, ceramic cats, cat figurines, stuffed cats, toy cats, cat pillows, cat blankets, cat pics, cat pictures, cat towels, cat candles, cat plates, cat cups.  I have curio cabinets dedicated to cats.

If any cat lover is offended by this joke, oh well. I can’t please all cat lovers all the time. I share this cat joke simply because I think this cat joke is unexpectedly funny and I do not consider it degrading to cats at all.  Afterall, I love cats.

Quotes About Cats

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Cat Jokes – Theories Of Cat Behavior

Clean Jokes

Cat behavior – Theories Of Cat Behavior

LAW OF CAT INERTIA A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

LAW OF CAT MOTION A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

FIRST LAW OF CAT ENERGY CONSERVATION Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

LAW OF BAG/BOX OCCUPANCY All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

LAW OF FURNITURE REPLACEMENT A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

LAW OF CAT COMPOSITION A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

LAW OF CAT OBEDIENCE As yet undiscovered.

Cat Quotes

THE CREATION STORY ~ AS TOLD BY THE CAT

THE CREATION STORY ~ AS TOLD BY THE CAT

On the first day of creation, God created the cat.

On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.

On the third, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.

On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox.

Fire wagon

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet. The wagon is being pulled
by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a
closer look.

“That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.

“Thanks” the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied
the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little Partner”, the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar too,
I think you could go faster.”

The little girl replies thoughtfully, “You’re probably right… but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Funny Jokes – Baking cookies with your cat!

Funny Joke – Baking cookies with your cat!

Baking Cookies (with your cat)
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5. Get cat’s nose out of coffee mug.
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now.
Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has TP all over floor; stuff spilled
and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. Can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches
on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen …Oh Golly … now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat’s tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!