Funny God Joke

Creation

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, “Lord, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the ‘beginning’.”

“Oh, is that so? Tell me…” replies God.

“Well, ” says the scientist, “we can take dirt and form it into the
likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man.”

“Well, that’s interesting. Show Me.”

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.

“Oh no, no, no…” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt.”

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Funny Joke

Problem Solved?

A carpet installer was laying new living room carpeting in a large mansion. After laboriously pulling, stretching, and tacking the carpet, he finally finished, and gratefully sat back to enjoy a cigarette.

Reaching into his shirt pocket, however, he found that his cigarettes were gone, and looking toward the center of the room, he saw a bulge the size of a cigarette pack under the new carpeting. He of course had no intention of pulling up the carpet, so instead he took a large mallet, and pounded the lump flat, so it could not be seen.

He then hopped in his truck and headed back to the office. On the way, he found his cigarettes in the glove compartment.

Just then his cellphone rang. When he answered it, he discovered
it was the dispatcher from his office. The dispatcher said that the
homeowner had just called them in a panic.

It seems their son’s favorite pet hamster was missing. Had the carpet layer seen the hamster while he was in the house?

Funny Jokes

At a Cafeteria

It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly lady sitting at
the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young
woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice “Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!”

“So would I,” sighed the girl, “but you know, there just isn’t time
enough during a coffee break….”

Funny Trix Rabbit Joke

TRIX RABBIT 1958-2006

On August 17, 2006 the famous Trix rabbit finally got the children’s cereal he so craved, and was able to eat it without anyone stopping him. Within minutes, he went into toxic shock and died. Unbeknownst to him, many ingredients in the cereal were poisonous to rabbits.

“We tried again and again to warn him,” said a little girl named Ashley
Murphy while fighting back tears, “Trix are for kids. He must have thought we were just being mean.”

“We heard a horrible gurgling sound, and ran into the room. The poor guy was turning every color of the rainbow, was breaking out in hives, and struggling to breathe. He then started convulsing”, said General Mills employee Billy Smith. “By the time the veterinarian ambulance arrived, it was tool late. He was already gone.”

The rabbit was just a little bunny when he first auditioned for the role of the Trix Cereal official mascot on August 4, 1959. It was his first, and only job. He had just observed his forty-seventh anniversary with General Mills, and plans for his fiftieth were already being discussed. Now, it will never happen. The silly rabbit will be sorely missed.

Funny Jokes

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is
transportation!

Funny Can’t Sleep Joke

Can’t Sleep

The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep.

Doctor: ‘Oh! Don’t you sleep at night?’

Civil servant: ‘Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too – but I find it’s very difficult to sleep in the afternoons as well.’

Funny Joke of the Day

Little Johnny looked so sad his teacher had to inquire what was
wrong. “What’s the problem?” she asked. “I hope it’s not about
your homework again.”

“Well, uh, yes it is,” Little Johnny says. “I accidentally made my
homework paper into a paper airplane.”

“That wasn’t the smartest thing to do,” said the teacher, “But,
just this once, I’ll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in.”

“Sorry, but that won’t work,” Little Johnny replied, looking even
sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked!”