Funny Quotes – Canada

Quote of the Day – Funny Quotes – Canada

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

– Pierre Trudeau

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US Navy SEAL #tcot

God and the Atheist

Funny Jokes #TCOT

A US Navy SEAL was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day he shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.”

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.”

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Navy SEAL got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and punched him in the face, knocking him off the platform. The professor was totally unconscious, I mean out cold!

The SEAL then went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Navy SEAL and asked, “What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The SEAL calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting America’s soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid crap like that and act like an asshole. So He sent me!”

Jokes Funny

Funny Quotes – Funny Jokes

Funny Quotes

Funny Jokes

In Hillary Clinton’s new book ‘Living History,’ Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him,getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.

Then on page two, the trouble starts.

–  Jay Leno

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“You have to pinch yourself – a Marxist radical who all his life has been mentored by, sat at the feet of, worshiped with, befriended, endorsed the philosophy of, funded and been in turn funded, politically promoted and supported by a nexus comprising black power anti-white racists, Jew-haters, revolutionary Marxists, unrepentant former terrorists and Chicago mobsters, is on the verge of becoming President of the United States. And apparently it’s considered impolite to say so.”

– Melanie Philips,  The Spectator (UK) 10/14/08

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Funny Jokes – Dear Fellow Business Owners

Dear Fellow Business Owners:

As a business owner who employs 30 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama will be our next president, and that my taxes and fees will go up in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Customer will have to see an increase in my fees to them of about 8-10%. I will also have to lay off six of my employees. This really bothered me as I believe we are family here and didn’t know how to choose who will have to go. So, this is what I did.

I strolled thru the parking lot and found eight Obama bumper stickers on my employees cars. I have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off.

I can’t think of another fair way to approach this problem. If you have a better idea, let me know. I am sending this letter to all business owners that I know.

Sincerely,

Funny Jokes Business Owner

For all of the commenting visitors:

If you liked or hated this one, you will probably like or hate this one as well

Famous Quotes

Free Kittens – Funny Jokes

Little Mary Pat had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign ‘FREE KITTENS’ next to them.

Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front.

The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car. It’s Senator Obama.

‘Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?’ he asked.

‘Kittens’ Little Mary Pat says. ‘They’re so small, their eyes are not even open yet.’

‘What kind of kittens are they?’ he asked.

‘Democrats’ says Little Mary Pat.

The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away. Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Little Mary Pat is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the ‘FREE KITTENS’ sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS, BET and CNN but no FOX for some reason..

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Mary Pat.

‘Now, don’t be frightened,’ he said, ‘I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you’re giving away today.’

‘Yes sir,’ Mary Pat said, ‘They are all REPUBLICAN kittens.’

Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, ‘But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS.’

Little Mary Pat says, ‘Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.’

Email From Ireland

An email from Ireland to all of the brethren in the United States …

We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election this Fall in the United States.

On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can’t seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run !

Now……..On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate ‘Mc’ terminology, married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship !

What in God’s name are ya lads thinkin’ over in the colonies ?!!