Funny Kid Jokes

Proverbs? Kids say the darnedest things.

Funny Quotes

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 year-olds), because the last one is classic!

Strike while the …, insect is close.

Never underestimate the power of… ants.

Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.

Better to be safe than… punch a seventh grade boy.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

It’s always darkest before… Daylight Saving Time.

Valentine’s Day Jokes

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Cupid

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Marriage Jokes – The Ten Commandments of Marriage

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Valentines Day Breakfast Dish

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day and Optimism

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
– Irv Kupcinet

Another Thanksgiving Day Joke

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

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Famous Quotes

“You have to pinch yourself – a Marxist radical who all his life has been mentored by, sat at the feet of, worshiped with, befriended, endorsed the philosophy of, funded and been in turn funded, politically promoted and supported by a nexus comprising black power anti-white racists, Jew-haters, revolutionary Marxists, unrepentant former terrorists and Chicago mobsters, is on the verge of becoming President of the United States. And apparently it’s considered impolite to say so.”

– Melanie Philips,  The Spectator (UK) 10/14/08

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Funny Quotes – Funny Jokes – Grow Old Gracefully

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
– Rita Rudner

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Fourth of July Quotes

Fourth of July Quotes

I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy, A Yankee Doodle do or die,
A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam, Born on the Fourth of July!
I’ve got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart, She’s my Yankee Doodle joy.
Yankee Doodle came to London, Just to ride the ponies.
I AM THAT YANKEE DOODLE BOY!
– George M. Cohan – from Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

You’re a grand old flag,
You’re a high flying flag
And forever in peace may you wave.
You’re the emblem of, the land I love,
The home of the free and the brave.
Ev’ry heart beats true ‘neath the Red, White and Blue,
Where there’s never a boast or brag.
But should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep you eye on the grand old flag.
– George M. Cohan, You’re A Grand Old Flag

God bless America, land that I love,
Stand beside her, and guide her,
Through the night, with the light from above,
From the mountains, to the prairies
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, my home sweet home,
God bless America! My Home Sweet Home!
– Irving Berlin, God Bless America

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Fourth of July Quotes

Fourth of July Quotes

Fourth of July Quotes

Fourth of July Quotes

Funny Quotes – Surge & Destroy

“Senator Teddy Kennedy told reporters that Iraq is George W. Bush’s Vietnam. It was worth a try. The best minds in Washington thought if they could convince President Bush that Iraq was Vietnam, he could find a way to get out of it.”
– Argus Hamilton

Funny Quotes