Funny God Joke

THE CONTEST
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people
and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened patiently to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a man-making contest.”

To which the man replied, “Okay, great!”

But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem,” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

Funny Old Man Joke

An old man was in his golden years, but that didn’t stop him from
trying to pick up the younger ladies. He went to the local bar,
approached a very young and pretty woman and said, “Where have you
been all my life?”

The young lady takes one glance at him and says, “For the first half
of it, I wasn’t even born yet.”

Funny Lost Luggage Joke

This guy couldn’t find his luggage at the airport baggage area. So he
went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags
never showed up.

She smiled and told him not to worry as they were highly trained
professionals and he was in good hands. “Now,” she asked him, “has your
plane arrived yet?”

Funny Jokes

Hiccups Joke
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend’s check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
“Why not?” my friend asked incredulously.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,” she continued, “our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5,000.”
“It can’t be!” he cried. “You have to be kidding!”
“Yes, I am,” she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. “But you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”

Pigeon Joke
The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker:The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.