Halloween Definitions

Halloween Definitions

Coffin:
What you do when you get a piece of
popcorn stuck in your throat.

Frankenstein:
Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full moon:
What your repairman reveals when
he bends over to fix your fridge.

Goblin:
How you eat the snickers bars
you got for Halloween.

Boogieman:
Guy who passes time at a
stoplight picking his nose.

Invisible Man:
What a guy becomes when there’s housework
to be done. Also, see Mr. Hyde.

Jack O’ Lantern:
An Irish Pumpkin.

Jack the Ripper:
What Jack does to his lottery tickets
after losing each week.

Mummy:
Who kisses the boo-boo after
you scrape your knee.

Pumpkin Patch:
What a pumpkin wears when
trying to quit smoking.

Skeleton:
Any supermodel.

Vampire Bat:
What Dracula hits a baseball with.

Zombie:
What you look like before that
first cup of morning coffee.

Famous Quotes

“You have to pinch yourself – a Marxist radical who all his life has been mentored by, sat at the feet of, worshiped with, befriended, endorsed the philosophy of, funded and been in turn funded, politically promoted and supported by a nexus comprising black power anti-white racists, Jew-haters, revolutionary Marxists, unrepentant former terrorists and Chicago mobsters, is on the verge of becoming President of the United States. And apparently it’s considered impolite to say so.”

– Melanie Philips,  The Spectator (UK) 10/14/08

More Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes – Dear Fellow Business Owners

Dear Fellow Business Owners:

As a business owner who employs 30 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama will be our next president, and that my taxes and fees will go up in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Customer will have to see an increase in my fees to them of about 8-10%. I will also have to lay off six of my employees. This really bothered me as I believe we are family here and didn’t know how to choose who will have to go. So, this is what I did.

I strolled thru the parking lot and found eight Obama bumper stickers on my employees cars. I have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off.

I can’t think of another fair way to approach this problem. If you have a better idea, let me know. I am sending this letter to all business owners that I know.

Sincerely,

Funny Jokes Business Owner

For all of the commenting visitors:

If you liked or hated this one, you will probably like or hate this one as well

Famous Quotes

Turkey Recipe

Great turkey recipe – even for people who can’t cook!!!

Turkey Jokes

Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a  stuffing – imagine that.

When I found this recipe, I thought it was  perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

10-15 lb. turkey

2 cup melted butter

2 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm  is Good.)

2 cup uncooked popcorn  (ORVILLE REDENBACHER’S LOW FAT…..of course)

Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan  with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the  turkey’s ass blows the oven door open and the turkey flies across the room, it’s done.

And, you thought I couldn’t cook …

And that’s why we unplugged my stove a long time ago!

Joke of the Day

The hard worker

Funny Jokes – The hard worker

One of my coworkers told me, “I’ve become so nearsighted I almost worked myself to death.”

“What does being nearsighted have to do with working yourself to death?” I asked.

He replied, “I couldn’t tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work all the time.”

Funny Quotes – Funny Jokes – Grow Old Gracefully

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
– Rita Rudner

More Funny Quotes

French Version of Google – Quaero

The French have launched their own version of Google called Quaero.
You just type in the subject you’re interested in,
and Quaero refuses to look it up for you.

– Amy Poehler

Quotes