Animals in Heaven?

Are there Animals in Heaven?

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Little John was bothered with a question that he had to ask his Sunday School teacher.

“Miss Davis, are there any animals in heaven?”

“I’m not sure Johnny, answered the teacher, The Bible doesn’t say anything about animals in heaven.”

“Oh, there’s got to be animals in heaven”, insisted Johnny

“What makes you think so?” says the teacher

“Well….every time there’s a thunderstorm, my father says it’s raining cats and dogs!”

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Quotes and Sayings

This Funny Joke is one of the most popular we have ever published. The Funny Jokes were listed as a blog post of the day on July 02, 2008 and again on July 03, 2008 and again on July 05, 2008 and again on July 06, 2008

Father’s Day Jokes

Gift to Dad – Father’s Day Joke

A lumberjack had raised his only son and had managed to finance the young man’s college education by the only way he knew how — cutting down trees, by hand.

The young man had helped his father cut down some of those trees. He knew how hard his father had to work to put him through college.

When the son started college, he promised himself that the first thing he would do was to buy his father a present that would make the old man’s life easier. The son saved and scrimped and finally had enough money to purchase the finest chainsaw in the world.

On a school vacation, the son asked his dad how many trees could he cut down in one day. The father, a large husky man, thought and said on a good day he was able to bring down 20 trees. The son gave his father the brand-new chainsaw and said from now on he would be able to triple the amount and work only half as hard.

The old man was very pleased and said he had the best son in the world. The young man left for school the next morning and wasn’t able to return until the next school break, three months later.

When he arrived, he immediately noticed that his dad appeared run down. He asked if his father was feeling all right. The old man replied that cutting trees was getting harder and harder and now with the new chainsaw he was working longer hours but not cutting as many trees as before.

The son knew there was something wrong and thought perhaps the saw he purchased wasn’t as good as advertised. He asked to check it out. Upon examining it, he checked the oiler and it was full. He checked the gas and it too was full. He yanked on the cord and immediately it roared to life.

His father grabbed him by the shirt and hollered, “WHAT’S THAT NOISE!?”

Aging Jokes – Old Man

Old Man – Aging Jokes

“I’ve sure gotten old,” said Maury the Snitch. “I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees.

I fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia, such poor circulation that I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Sheesh, I can’t even remember if I’m 26, or 62, or 86!
Plus, I’ve lost all my friends….

But thank God, I still have my driver’s license!”

Deaf Jokes

Deaf Jokes – Short Jokes

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

The Exercise Machine

The Exercise Machine

My husband bought an exercise machine to help him lose weight.
He set it up in the basement but didn’t use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom.

It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room.

Weeks later I asked how it was going.

“I was right,” he said. “I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine.”

Language Jokes

Language Jokes

What language do pigs speak?
Swine language.

What language do porcupines speak?
Spine language.

What language do billboards speak?
Sign language