Valentines Day Jokes – Valentine’s Day Jokes

Valentines Day Jokes

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Hogs and Kisses!

Love Quotes

Life Quotes

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
A: “Be my valenstein!”

Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

Valentine’s Day Jokes

Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A: He gives it a Valenshine!

Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Boy: “Really?”
Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”

Q: Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?
A: Because you can really party hearty!

Q: What did the cholcolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A: “I’m sweet on you!”

Valentine’s Day Quotes

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: A hug and a quiche!

Q: Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
A: Because you always heart the one you love!

Valentine’s Day Sayings

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A: It was Valenswine’s Day!

Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valentiny!

Q: Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
A: Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
A; “I love you with all my art!”

Valentine’s Day Quotes

New STD Strain Appears In New Orleans

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans. The disease is contracted through ignorance coupled with dangerous and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectem and pronounced “gonna re-elect’em.”

Many victims have contracted it and keep passing it around year after year.

The strain first appeared in early 2006…Mayor Nagin was returned to the mayors office. The current strain surfaced again this past fall when William Jefferson won the runoff election.

The Center for Disease Control has issued a severe warning this past week that there is danger this strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans may be in the process of mutating and infect the entire State of Louisiana by early fall just in time for the Governor’s election.

Funny Jokes – God is good….

Funny Jokes – God is good….

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies’ group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.
But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.”
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends.
So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom — a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold.
Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified; she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think?
Oh, my, she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed.
All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day , Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time.
Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who, more than once, had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP ‘d she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South… and to Alice’s horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake. She started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”
Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself.”

Alice smiled and thought to herself, “GOD is good.”