Tax Jokes – Tax Forms Long vs Short

Tax Forms, Long vs Short

Ah, spring and the month of April. The chirping of birds, the fresh smell of flowers, the sunny days … and the time that taxes are due. Yes, it’s that time of year, when you put sum 5A into slot 6B, subtract the lesser of 12Z or 11Q from 10C, check the number of boxes entered and enter the number of checkered boxes, and try to figure out of you weigh more than last year’s tax return.

I just did my taxes and when I was done I was happy to see that I’m getting a refund … look at the money the government is giving to me…until I thought, “Hey, it was MY money to begin with!”

The difference between the short tax form and long tax form is simple.

If you use the short form, the government gets your money.

If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.

Funny Quotes – Insults

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he’s a dirty little beast.
– W. S. Gilbert

Thanksgiving Recipes

Funny Jokes

Battle of the sexes

VERBOSITY: A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men… The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

Thanksgiving Recipes

Funny Jokes

Are You Eating Genetically Modified Food?

Yes if you can use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room.

When you check the label and it says that your buffalo chicken wings are made from REAL flying bison…oops! Genetically Modified!!

If an apple a day causes leukemia it’s been genetically modified.

Your family of seven, buys one turkey yet everyone gets a drumstick. That bird is genetically modified.

Are your Ginsu knives afraid of the tomatoes? Then surely the tomatoes have been genetically modified.

The grocery is now selling Cochin. It looks like zucchini, but tastes like a Ding-Dong — that’s definitely a genetically modified food!!

Books

Funny Jokes

Marketing 101

Several friends have asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the following examples will help clear it up:

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you. That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!” That’s Spam.

Cactus Jacks Auto

Funny Quotes – Insults

She’s good, being gone.
– William Shakespeare

Quotes

Funny Jokes

Pregnant

My husband and I had been trying to have a third child for awhile. Unfortunately, the day I was to take a home pregnancy test, he was called out of town on business. I had told our young daughters about the test, and they were excited. We decided if it was positive, we would buy a baby outfit to surprise their father when he got home.

The three of us stood in the bathroom eagerly waiting for the telltale line to appear. When it did not, my thoughtful seven- year-old gave me a hug.

“It’s okay, Mom,” she said. “The next time Daddy goes out of town, you can try and get pregnant again.”

Quotes