Command and Control Warfare

The Generations of Command and Control Warfare (as told by the prophet)

In the beginning, there was Hand-to-Hand Combat. And the sons of Hand-to-Hand Combat were Rock, Spear, and Sword Warfare. And it was good. And the morning and the evening were called the First Wave, or Agrarian Warfare.  [  Editor Note:  I thought it was Rock Paper Scissors ]

Sword Warfare begat Mechanized Combat. And the sons of Mechanized Combat were Combined Arms and Chemical Warfare and Radio Counter Measures. And Radio Counter Measures begat Electronic Combat. And the sons of Electronic Combat were Electronic Warfare; Command, Control and Communications Counter Measures and Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses. Now the sons of Electronic Warfare were Counter Measures, Counter-Counter Measures and Support Measures. And it was good. And the morning and evening were called the Second Wave, or Industrial Warfare.

On the third day, all hell broke loose. Electronic Combat went into the tent of Technology and knew her. But Command, Control and Communications Counter Measures also lusted after Technology and went into her tent and knew her also. And it was very good. And so it was that her days were accomplished that she should deliver her child, and she wrapped him in strange words and laid him in a paradigm. And they called him Command and Control Warfare, for they knew not who his father was, Electronic Combat or Command, Control and Communications Countermeasures.

And wise men came from the Joint Staff bearing gifts. And they gave him OPSEC, PSYOPS, Deception, Electronic Warfare and Destruction. And Electronic Warfare kicked out all his sons and begat new sons. And the new sons of Electronic Warfare were Electronic Attack, Protect, and Support.  And the morning and evening were called the Third Wave, or Information Warfare.

Now let me tell you as concerns those events that are yet to come. Fire will fall from heaven and consume the house of Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses. And the family of Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses will scatter before the fire, and gather to the tribes of Destruction and Electronic Attack. And they will lose their name for all generations.

Verily, I say unto thee, all now be renamed under the umbrella term Information Operations, and do spread this gospel of warfare without killing. And lo, it is politically correct.
Author/Source Unknown

Tennessee Mechanical Engineers

Ray & Bubba (Tennessee mechanical engineers) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

‘We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,’ said Bubba, ‘but we don’t have a ladder.’

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, ‘Eighteen feet, six inches,’
and walked away.

Ray shook his head and laughed. ‘Ain’t that just like a woman!

We ask for the height and she gives us the length!’

Bubba and Ray are currently working for the government.

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Funny Jokes – Airline Humor

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanic s about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an “S”) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

+++
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

+++
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

+++
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

+++
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

+++
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

+++
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

+++
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

+++
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

+++
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

+++
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

+++
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

+++
P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

+++
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

+++
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

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P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

‘Twas the Month After Christmas

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste, At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared, The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The latte’s and snacks, the bread and the cheese, And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt, And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can, You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So–away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished, ‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick, I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore, But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot, Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!