Command and Control Warfare

The Generations of Command and Control Warfare (as told by the prophet)

In the beginning, there was Hand-to-Hand Combat. And the sons of Hand-to-Hand Combat were Rock, Spear, and Sword Warfare. And it was good. And the morning and the evening were called the First Wave, or Agrarian Warfare.  [  Editor Note:  I thought it was Rock Paper Scissors ]

Sword Warfare begat Mechanized Combat. And the sons of Mechanized Combat were Combined Arms and Chemical Warfare and Radio Counter Measures. And Radio Counter Measures begat Electronic Combat. And the sons of Electronic Combat were Electronic Warfare; Command, Control and Communications Counter Measures and Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses. Now the sons of Electronic Warfare were Counter Measures, Counter-Counter Measures and Support Measures. And it was good. And the morning and evening were called the Second Wave, or Industrial Warfare.

On the third day, all hell broke loose. Electronic Combat went into the tent of Technology and knew her. But Command, Control and Communications Counter Measures also lusted after Technology and went into her tent and knew her also. And it was very good. And so it was that her days were accomplished that she should deliver her child, and she wrapped him in strange words and laid him in a paradigm. And they called him Command and Control Warfare, for they knew not who his father was, Electronic Combat or Command, Control and Communications Countermeasures.

And wise men came from the Joint Staff bearing gifts. And they gave him OPSEC, PSYOPS, Deception, Electronic Warfare and Destruction. And Electronic Warfare kicked out all his sons and begat new sons. And the new sons of Electronic Warfare were Electronic Attack, Protect, and Support.  And the morning and evening were called the Third Wave, or Information Warfare.

Now let me tell you as concerns those events that are yet to come. Fire will fall from heaven and consume the house of Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses. And the family of Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses will scatter before the fire, and gather to the tribes of Destruction and Electronic Attack. And they will lose their name for all generations.

Verily, I say unto thee, all now be renamed under the umbrella term Information Operations, and do spread this gospel of warfare without killing. And lo, it is politically correct.
Author/Source Unknown

Tennessee Mechanical Engineers

Ray & Bubba (Tennessee mechanical engineers) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

‘We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,’ said Bubba, ‘but we don’t have a ladder.’

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, ‘Eighteen feet, six inches,’
and walked away.

Ray shook his head and laughed. ‘Ain’t that just like a woman!

We ask for the height and she gives us the length!’

Bubba and Ray are currently working for the government.

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Funny Jokes – Airline Humor

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanic s about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an “S”) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

‘Twas the Month After Christmas

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste, At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared, The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The latte’s and snacks, the bread and the cheese, And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt, And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can, You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So–away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished, ‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick, I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore, But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot, Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Funny Jokes – ARITHMETIC

Funny Jokes – ARITHMETIC

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.

He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”

In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”

Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”

Blonde Jokes – Bus Ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana . The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top-level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn’t heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asked, “What the heck’s going on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!”

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered… “YEAH, BUT YOU’VE GOT A DRIVER!”

Dumb Jokes – Dumb Kids Dumb Parents

Funny Jokes – Dumb Jokes

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells “There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth.”

The second professor says “No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot.”

The first professor says “Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don’t know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I’m there then tell me to come home and eat dinner.”

The son says, gleefully, “Sure dad” and runs off.

The second professor, not to be outdone says “Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave.”

Sam says “OK.” and leaves. The professors keep arguing.

Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, “Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done.
That is stupid if I’ve ever heard it.”

Sam says “Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn’t tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave.”