How to avoid the flu

How to avoid the flu

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the
elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial
stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So……I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, “A woman without her man is
nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it
correctly.

The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Late for Work

Late for Work

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my
reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I
stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the
morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the
driver another chance.

During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver’s windshield:

“Please don’t take my parking space. If you do, and your car
disappears, don’t say I never towed you!”

Funny Jokes – Chinese Laundry

Funny Jokes – Chinese Laundry

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry.

When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. So the next week she encloses a note to the Chinese man that says, “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”

Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, “USE MORE PAPER ON REAR END!!!”

Quotes