Funny Kid Jokes

Proverbs? Kids say the darnedest things.

Funny Quotes

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 year-olds), because the last one is classic!

Strike while the …, insect is close.

Never underestimate the power of… ants.

Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.

Better to be safe than… punch a seventh grade boy.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

It’s always darkest before… Daylight Saving Time.

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What an excellent enhancement to twitter replies

Posted today on the twitter blog, they have made it easier to find out all about who is mentioning you in their tweets. In the past, you had to go to Search.Twitter.com and search for your user name to see all those who had mentioned you. Now they list them all under the tab on the right hand sidebar.

“What an excellent enhancement to twitter replies.”
Bill Austin

Replies Are Now Mentions

We’re updating the Replies feature and referring to it instead as Mentions. In your Twitter sidebar you’ll now see your own @username tab. When you click that tab, you’ll see a list of all tweets referencing your account with the @username convention anywhere in the tweet—instead of only at the beginning which is how it used to work. So for me it would be all mentions of @biz. For developers, this update will also be included in the APIs.

Twitter Blog: Replies Are Now Mentions

Funny Police Joke

The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation.
Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver
frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down. “I’ll have
your job for this!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

“Sir, you wouldn’t want my job,” replied the unruffled officer as
he wrote out the citation. “The hours are long, the pay is low,
and you meet some of the nastiest people.”

Funny Joke

Why do blondes use transparent lunch boxes?
So they can tell whether they are going to work or going home!

Funny Jokes

More 6 yr old Proverbs!
A grade one teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids (6 year-olds), because the last one is classic!

You can lead a horse to water but… how?

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… maths.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.Proverbs?

Funny Joke

Dear Diary,
I can’t figure out which covers less, the
hospital gown or my insurance company.
– The Old Perfesser

Funny Medication Jokes

Are there any side effects to these pills apart from bankruptcy?
– Armed, dangerous and off my medication!
– But these pills can’t be habit forming; I’ve been taking them
for years
– His doctor gave him a prescription for extra-strength placebos.
– In a Church bulletin: “Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and
Medication to follow.”
– Is it time for your medication or mine?
– Oxymoron: One who does not know how to use pimple medication.
– Proper oral hygiene will transcend dental medication.
– Technical Books – “Sleeping pills you read!”
– The pharmacist told me to take these pills as often as I can get
the cap off.