Funny Quotes – Insults

I treasure every moment that I do not see her.
– Oscar Levant

Bill Austin

Funny Jokes

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney

Sayings

Funny Quotes – Insults

The youthful sparkle in his eyes is caused by his contact lenses, which he keeps highly polished.
– Sheila Graham (about Ronald Reagan)

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Pregnant

My husband and I had been trying to have a third child for awhile. Unfortunately, the day I was to take a home pregnancy test, he was called out of town on business. I had told our young daughters about the test, and they were excited. We decided if it was positive, we would buy a baby outfit to surprise their father when he got home.

The three of us stood in the bathroom eagerly waiting for the telltale line to appear. When it did not, my thoughtful seven- year-old gave me a hug.

“It’s okay, Mom,” she said. “The next time Daddy goes out of town, you can try and get pregnant again.”

Quotes Sayings Phrases