Holiday Gift Wrap

Wrapping Paper for the Holidays

A gift this week from a friend was wrapped in thick blue paper with this printed statement repeated in a pattern all over the gift wrap.

Have a Satisfactory
Non-Denominational
Capitalist Wintertime
Gift-Giving Season

Funny Jokes

The Ticket

The Ticket

Sy comes home after his mother’s funeral to try to put the place in order.

He goes up to the attic to look around and finds an old trunk.

Looking in it, he discovers his father’s WWll uniform.

Sy tries it on and it’s a little tight on him.

Before taking it off, he puts his hand in the pocket and comes up with a ticket.

Looking at it, he finds a shoe repair ticket for Herman’s on West 53rd, dated January 14th, 1945.

He can barely believe it. An unclaimed ticket 61 years old.

Weeks later, Sy happens to be in the area of West 53rd and wanders over to see where the shoe repair was.

He can’t believe his good luck, the shoe repair store is still there.

He wanders in and tells the story of finding the ticket to the old shoemaker.

The man says his name is Herman and has owned the shop for 65 years.

“Gimme the ticket” says Herman and wanders to the back of the shop.

Sy is amazed.

What good fortune!

What a coincidence!

Only in America!

Herman comes back.

“I’ve still got your shoes. They’ll be done Friday!”

Awesome Anagrams

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES – LET’S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Funny Jokes – Out in the Country

When you’re from the country you look at things a little differently

A rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

‘Is yer Dad home?’ the rancher asked.

‘No sir, he ain’t,’ the boy replied. ‘He went into town.’

‘Well,’ said the rancher, ‘is yer Mom here?’

‘No, sir, she ain’t here neither. She went into town with Dad.’

‘How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?’

‘He went with Mom and Dad.’

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

‘Is there any thing I can do fer ya?’ the boy asked politely. ‘I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.’

‘Well,’ said the rancher uncomfortably, ‘I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It’s about your Brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.’

The boy considered for a moment. ‘You would have to talk to Pa about that’ he finally conceded.

‘If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but, I really don’t know how much he gets fer Howard.’