Funny Jokes – Reunion

Funny Jokes – Reunion

A friend of mine is responsible for alumni relations at his high-school
alma mater.

Last fall, a member of the Class of 1986 returned the standard alumni
questionnaire with this response:

Marital Status – Not good

Wife’s Name – Plaintiff

Funny Jokes – Marriage Jokes

Funny Jokes – Marriage Jokes

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman
in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.

“Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend.

“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re
90.”

Tax Joke

Funny Jokes – Tax Jokes – Tax Forms

The difference between the short tax form and long tax form is simple.

If you use the short form, the government gets your money.

If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.

Funny Jokes – You know you’re from Tennessee if:

You know you’re from Tennessee if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a “VOL” is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.
13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middle Tennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”.
16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
18. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Tennessee (and those who just wish they were).

Funny Jokes – Funny Joke – Commute

Pauly came home from his first day commuting to work into the city.
Mrs. Pauly noticed he was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey,
are you feeling all right?”

“Not really,” Pauly replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward
on the train.”

“Poor dear,” Mrs. Pauly said.  “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting
across from you to switch seats for a while?”

“I couldn’t,” replied Pauly, “there was no one there.”

Funny Jokes – Funny Joke – Surcharge

 Exasperated with obnoxious patients in the clinic where
I’m the office manager, I put up a sign that read: “If you
are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean, there will be a
$10 surcharge for putting up with you.”
 Clearly some people took the sign to heart.  That same
afternoon a patient came to the counter and announced,
“The doctor said he would like to see me every month
for the next six months, so I’m going to pay all my $60
up-front.”

Funny Jokes – Funny Joke – New Chainsaw

Funny Jokes – New Chainsaw

A fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut
down some trees in his back yard. He goes to
a chainsaw shop and asks about various
chainsaws. The dealer tells him, “Look, I
have a lot of models, but why don’t you save
yourself a lot of time and aggravation and
get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw
will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in
one day.”

So, the man takes the chainsaw home and
begins working on the trees. After cutting
for several hours and only cutting two cords,
he decides to quit. He thinks there is
something wrong with the chainsaw. “How
can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?”
the man asks himself. “I will begin first thing
in the morning and cut all day,” the man tells
himself. So, the next morning the man gets
up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts,
and cuts till nightfall, and still he only
manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw. “The
dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords
of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this
saw back to the dealer,” the man says to himself.

The very next day the man brings the saw back
to the dealer and explains the problem. The
dealer, baffled by the man’s claim, removes
the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says,
“Hmm, it looks fine.”

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which
the man responds, “What’s that noise?”