Camping in Yellowstone

A group of Czechoslovakian tourists were camping in Yellowstone
National Park. While the others set up tents, a few went to gather
firewood. There were plenty of fallen branches, and they soon found
their arms full. As they were heading back to the campsite, a large
bear jumped out at them. It swallowed one of the men whole and ran off.
 
Distraught, his friends found a park ranger and told him what happened.
The ranger agreed to help find their friend. After a short search, they
found two bears sleeping close to the campsite. The ranger asked the
men which one attacked their friend. Unfortunately, they didn’t know.
 
The ranger studied the bears. After a moment, he pointed at the male
bear. “That’s the one that ate your friend.” Then, he pulled out a
knife and cut the bear open. Of course, the missing tourist wasn’t
inside.
 
The moral of the story: Don’t believe anyone who says the Czech is in
the male!

Penguins go to the Zoo

Kimo is a bus driver for the Honolulu Transit Company. One
day Kimo is headed to work on his bus route, when he runs
across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The
van driver works for the Honolulu Zoo. He pleads with Kimo
to do him a favor.

He offers a $100 bill to Kimo to help him deliver a
truckload of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be
there within the hour. Agreeing, Kimo proceeds to load two
dozen penguins onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards
the zoo.

An hour later, the delivery driver gets his van fixed and
heads off to the zoo to catch up with his delivery. As he’s
driving down the road, he see’s Kimo and the busload of
penguins heading in the opposite direction. He turns his van
around and chases in pursuit. He finally catches up to the
bus and pulls over Kimo on the side of the road. In an irate
voice he asks, “Hey, Kimo. I thought I gave you a $100
dollars to go and take the penguins to the zoo for me?”

“Calm down,” Kimo says. “I took the penguins to the zoo. We
had change left over, so now I’m taking them to the movies!”

At the Playground…

We took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park
for a picnic.

My seven year old read the sign with the playground rules to
his brother.

“Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion.”
“Go down the slide while sitting, only.”
“Only one child on a swing at a time.”
(There were a good twenty rules.)

The boys promised to obey them if I would let them play
without Daddy standing by. So, I joined my wife at the
picnic table.

Just before it was time to eat, I went over and watched them
play. They were obeying the rules, that is, all but one. On
the tall semicircular slide, they were coming down head
first!

I took them over to the posted regulations. We read them,
again. I asked the boys what they had to say for themselves.

“Oh, don’t be silly, Dad…no one uses the slide rule
anymore!”

Collateral

Long ago there was once an old native American who wanted a
loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application,
“What are you going to do with the money?”

“Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response.

“What have you got for collateral?”

“Don’t know collateral.”

“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?”

“Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.”

The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”

“Yes, I have a horse.”

“How old is it?”

“Don’t know, has no teeth.”

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out
a roll of bills, “Here to pay.” he said. He then handed the
banker the money to pay his loan off.

“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”

“Put in tepee.”

“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank,” he asked.

“Don’t know deposit.”

“You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for
you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”

The old Indian leaned across the desk, “What you got for
collateral?”