Funny Jokes

SIGNS OF LIFE

English sign in German cafe: “Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating.”

On a scientist’s door: “Gone Fission”

Outside a hotel: “Help!  We need inn-experienced people.”

On a music teacher’s door: “Out Chopin.”

On the door of a music library: “Bach in a minuet.”

At a farmer’s field: “The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free,
but the bull charges.”

In a podiatrist’s window: “Time wounds all heels.”

At the Electric Company: “We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don’t, you will be.”

On Maternity Room door: “Push, Push, Push”

Sign on fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

Muffler shop:  “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”

Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!  Stay!”

Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come
to the right place.”

Needing Medical Help

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“Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!”

“Do you drink a lot?”

“Not really – I spill most of it!”

Funny Joke

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four.  The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”  The nine year old replies “Nope, not for my mom.”    Without thinking, the cashier responded  “Well, they must be for your sister then?”

The nine year old quipped, “Nope, not for my sister either.”   The cashier had now become curious  “Oh.  Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?”   The nine year old says “They’re for my four year old little brother.”

The cashier is surprised “Your four year old little brother??”

The nine year old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!”

Funny Joke

Getting Rid of Pests

Sue’s husband now works as a service technician for a large exterminating company.  One of the rules for that company is the tech has  to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.

One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, “Hi, this is Gary from All Gone Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us.”

There was a momentary silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, “Honey, it’s for you. Someone wants to talk to you about your relatives.”