Mother’s Day Jokes

Mother’s Day Jokes

Mother’s Day versus Father’s Day

A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.

“Nothing,” said the woman.

Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother’s Day, They don’t even tell me so much as ‘Thank you’.”

“Well don’t feel bad.” he said. “Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father’s Day gift.”

“Yes,” she said, “but I’m their real mother.”

Mother’s Day Quotes

A mother understands what a child does not say.
– Unknown

Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said that there’d be so many!
– Unknown

Mother’s Day Recipes


My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate
– Unknown

WORKING MOTHER — Any mother who gets out of bed.

Mother’s Day Jokes

FAMOUS PEOPLE: JOB INTERVIEWS

Funny Jokes

JOKE:  FAMOUS PEOPLE: JOB INTERVIEWS
Julius Caesar – My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I’d like to get away from all that.

Jesse James – I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.

Marie Antoinette – My management style has been criticized, but I’d like to
think of myself as a people person.

Joseph Guillotine – I can give your company a head start on the competition.

Hamlet – My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover.

Lucretia Borgia – My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one.

Pandora – I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.

Genghis Khan – My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job, I downsized
my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries.

MacBeth – Would I go after my boss’s job? Do I look like the kind of guy who
would knock off his boss for a promotion?

Lady Godiva – What do you mean this isn’t business casual?

Elvis – My last boss and I … say, are you going to eat those fries?

Funny Quotes – Canada

Quote of the Day – Funny Quotes – Canada

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

– Pierre Trudeau

More Funny Quotes

Funny Jokes – College Humor

Funny Jokes – College Humor – University Examination

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two-hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. “You’re not going to have time to finish this,” the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
“Yes I will,” replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except for the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
“No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.”
The student looked incredulous and angry. “Do you know who I am?”
“No, as a matter of fact I don’t,” replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” the student asked again.
“No, and I don’t care.” replied the professor with an air of superiority.
“GOOD!” replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

It worked. The professor really didn’t know who he was!

Christmas Golf – Golf on Christmas

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a
priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the
golf course.

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”

Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, is it sex or golf?’ and she said, “Take a sweater…”

Thanksgiving Joke – Turkey Fight

Turkey Jokes

Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Thanksgiving Jokes

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day and Optimism

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
– Irv Kupcinet

Another Thanksgiving Day Joke

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

Jokes Funny Jokes